


Be a higher amount of coldness

by TheInsanelyGayJaredK



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Crack Fic, F/M, I don’t know tags, Jeremy doesn’t know how to function, Panic Attacks, Squip becomes kool™, Unedited because I live on the edge, friendships, maybe serious, stepbrothers au, trigger warnings?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-21 04:25:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12449646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheInsanelyGayJaredK/pseuds/TheInsanelyGayJaredK
Summary: *****This story might be deep I can’t be sureAfter the horrible terrors that was the Vietnam War of Middleborough High, Jeremy thinks that life is good now, none of his actions have consequences, and everything will be a-okay. But it gets worse- A book by Shane Dawson.





	1. No one mourns the wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New story. What old story? Never heard of her.

Jeremy Heere sat in a math class having a deep stare down at a math test for the average intelligence that had scribbles of attempted art, that looked more like something from beatlejuice than actual art. See other kids who were artistic and edgy had masterpieces drawn on science homework, while Jeremy kind of just tried to be cool like that. It wasn’t working out. Let’s just say when the teacher walked over he didn’t have a solid excuse on why he was dead on paper. 

“Mr.Heere you appear to not be here with us.” (Teachers always made jokes on his last name.) 

Jeremy realized he was screwed, what could he say? He didn’t have a super computer in his head anymore to tell him what to say- Not saying that he missed it or anything.... Because he didn’t and that was final. “Uh...I was appreciating my artwork?” He phrased it like it was a question and not his future career. His teacher made some sort of clicking noise, similar to some alien, and scooped up his artwork in disgust. 

“You call this art?” She asked looking at Jeremy with the Look of Doom, Jeremy knew he was about to be PULVERIZED for his art, “I’m no art teacher, but I can’t tell the scribbling out of answers from the art piece.” She sat the paper back down. “See me after class.” After watching her strut to the front of the class like a rejected Ru-Paul Queen, Jeremy mumbled a tiny response like ‘Got it’ or ‘Oh shit she better not give me detention, because if detention is like jail, I better not drop the soap’. He slumped in his chair a little more as he silently cried. He didn’t know how to do this math. Man the squip could give him answers.. bUT he doesn’t need the squip. The squip was evil and Jeremy doesn’t like evil things, because he is a good Jewish boy who goes to church every three months. He eventually decided to instead of trying on his math test, he would give himself existential crises and realize crushing reality. He couldn’t do anything. He had needed on some super computer for everything in his life and now that it was gone he couldn’t do shit. His whole life depended on a Jango piece which was pulled out forever ago, now he was just waiting for the structure to collapse. First it started with an actual tear. Then some kind of noise which caused the kid next to him to ask him the worst question you can possible ask.... “Are you okay?” He looked at the kid trying to read the kids face. Did he know this kid? Maybe? It was too late to try to focus on that. After the words processed in his head, his whole mind went into hyper mode. He couldn’t breath. Someone knew he wasn’t okay. Which meant it was obvious he wasn’t okay. Someone else is looking at him. Is someone whispering his name. Is his face wet? “Oh god he’s crying badly,” a harsh whisper said from somewhere. “Is he hyperventilating?” Came from behind him. What was happening to him. He was just some  **Freak.** He couldn’t do  **Anything** right. Here he was crying over nothing. Some kind of  **Disgusting** waste of air he was. He caused this. He didn’t deserve anything good. At all. Why can’t he just accept that. “Oh fuck is he going to faint?” Was the last thing he heard before he hastily stood up to try to leave. Apparently that girl was a psyche because he  _did_ faint. And faint pretty hard too. He went from crying and trying to leave the room to watching the floor run at him at top speeds. 

* * *

When Jeremy ‘woke up’ he was at home. Except something felt off. He blinked hazily. He was in a chair? He pushed himself up extremely confused. Did he fall asleep? What was happening? He got an answer shortly.

**Jeremy, the party has started 5.1 minutes ago. If you get ready in approximately...7.9 minutes, we can get at Jake’s Home in time to make a fashionably late entrance. Do you understand the plan?**

“Affirmative” He replied in a fake robot voice. Jeremy was even more confused. He just said that without consent.... And consent matters. The Keanu Reeves bootleg stood looking at him like Jeremy disgraced his family. “I mean.. I got this.” Jeremy stated with confidence he didn’t actually have. 

Wait....

             Wait....

oh

This was the night of the Halloween party. He was stuck in this again. Was he going to have to relive this? Chloe... Oh god..... Michael. The fire. No let him wake up. Let him escape. #FreeJeremy2017 

All a sudden the scene changed. For the better? Hell no. He was in Jake’s parents room. Chloe had her arms around him. His desperate calls for help fell silent. He couldn’t do anything. She had her arm itching closer and closer to him. He just wanted to scream, he tried. He so tried.  He was feeling the same hopelessness that he was feeling that night. He was also feeling so tired. He wanted to just sleep, give up. Let everyone else win. Control his life, Jeremy just wanted sleep. Finally Jake’s knocks on the door almost felt like a call from God than him being threaten by a drunk child. Everything went by in a flash as Jake’s window was shattered by Jake of course. Jeremy sprinted throughout the house sort of bored, the adrenaline of last time was gone knowing that this had no consequences.

Jeremy slammed the door of the bathroom again and headed for the bathtub. He sunk down and leaned against the cool material of the tub. He knew what was coming. It wasn’t that bad in comparison to Chloe, but it still made him uncomfortable. The pacing of everything was off, it felt weird. Everything happened again, it was like they were given a script. No matter how much Jeremy tried to squirm away or say something else. Nothing worked. He was stuck on the track of being a dick to Michael. “Get out of my way... Loser.” Jeremy spat it out with such venom you would think he was talking to Hitler. As soon as he stepped out of the door everything went white. Not like ‘oh I’m dead’ white but ‘scenes done, cut’ white. 

* * *

Jeremy woke up for real this time in the nurses office. That was a fact. He didn’t even have to open his eyes to know that. He didn’t want to open his eyes. He rather stay in a small fantasy that he was dead and this was Jewish Heaven, that consisted of the nurse talking to some person about him. Was it his dad? Yeah it was probably his dad. After a few minutes or so his dad got sick of having to wait until Jeremy decided to wake up and lightly shook him. “Hey son.” Jeremy’s heart warmed a little knowing his dad left work for him. He didn’t have to... He shouldn’t of.... Jeremy wasn’t worth that time. His dad was missing important things, he should just go back and let Jeremy die. “Hey Dad.” Jeremy mumbled pushing himself up from the uncomfortable nurse bed. He was bombarded with questions he was in no mood to answer. He answered all of them with a ‘mmhhmmm’, a shrug, or even a ‘uh I don’t think so’ in a rare occasion. Finally he was aloud to leave school for ‘mental reaons’ Which meant that Jeremy threw a big enough fit to leave. 

On the way home his dad watched him carefully as he looked out the window wanting a car to hit only his side of the car. So his dad didn’t have to suffer, but Jeremy didn’t have to suffer life. If Jeremy knew that his dad was trying so hard to make Jeremy’s life good, than maybe Jeremy would of been a little nicer to him. Instead he ingnore him. Wait his dad was trying to tell him something... “-oming over today.” Jeremy took his attention away from the window. “What?” He asked a little nervous.

Jeremy’s Dad was happy to explain. “Heidi is coming over, and she’s bringing Evan.”Jeremy tried to hide any disappointment. Evan was super awkward, constantly fidgeting his hands, and never talked. It made Jeremy almost scared of him. He didn’t know why. Just Evan, staring at him, all night, so enjoyable. 

“Got it.” Jeremy mumbled looking back at the window. He could see boring New Jersey landscape and that’s about it. Why couldn’t he live somewhere I don’t know nice? When they pulled into his driveway after the too long of a car ride to Jeremys liking, he instantly left the car and went inside and into his room. He would talk to people later. He just wanted to ignore everything again. He promised that he would come out when Heidi arrived. Which wasn’t now, so he sat on his bed doing nothing. He was just looked at the bedding and he felt time go by. Was this healthy? No. Did he care? Nope. So it was back to this unhealthy, not okay, not sane method of living. He was so distracted by nothing he didn’t notice his dad opening the door. The door instantly was closed, no one wanted to admit to seeing their son doing nothing but staring down blankets without blinking. 

Twenty minutes later..... Yes Jeremy had done nothing for twenty minutes. Sort of impressive if you think real hard. He heard a knock on the door. Jeremy stood up and opened the door to see Heidi. “Hi Jeremy! I haven’t seen you in awhile. Wow you look so tall! I’m going to cook a dinner for you and Evan.” She said this was such a smile, Jeremy couldn’t help but smile back at her. She was such a happy woman in her hospital scrubs. “Go wash your hands buddy.” Jeremy gave a thumbs up before leaving his room for the first time in forever. He got this, it’s just a dinner. He could cry himself to sleep later and ignore all his friends. This was the life of Jeremy Heere. It wasn’t the best but eh, it wasn’t the worse right? Right? Okay. He had dinner to do and people to small talk with. 

 


	2. The Story of Tonight

Jeremy had many questions as soon as he stepped into the kitchen. There was Evan and Heidi, like expected, but there was a mysterious third and fourth person. Heidi seemed to know Jeremy was confused faster than his father did. “This is Jared Klienman and Connor Murphy. They are Evan’s best friends.” She explained while Jared made some weird laugh like noise and muttered ‘Only friends’. “It’s a bit last minute but they are pretty much family, and you deserve to meet family.” Jeremy gave a tiny wave to the boys. He wasn’t  prepared for this. Now he had to sit with another two people that he doesn’t know anything about. This wasn’t part of the plan. He could fake it though. He could fake it pretty good. 

“So let’s eat this spaghetti.” His Dad cut in with. Give it to his dad to kill the tension with food. Jeremy watched everyone else sit down before he went to sit. He ended up sitting by Jared who was in his chair. (It sounds stupid but Jeremy had a certain spot that he sat in for every meal) Once the food was served everyone ate in awkward silence. Not surprising that no one had anything to say. Jeremy didn’t even like spaghetti, it was just food, so he ate it.

Everything was going in a semi successful way until Connor spilled the wine bottle, which was  only for the ‘adults’, all over the table. After that, Hell itself opened. It started with Jared with his weird laugh. “You had one job!” He laughed yelled.

”You think that’s funny don’t you? Laugh it up Hansen.” Connor was pointing at Evan who was trying to clean it up with the trash dollar tree napkins. 

“I-I’m n-not laughing at you...” Jesus Evan stuttered more than Jeremy did.

”Boys calm down. We can clean the mess up.” Finally his dad was doing something productive. Jeremy heard the screech of the chair as his dad stood up. 

Jared refused to let this go though. He honestly asking for death. ”Mr.Heere you should be more worried with Connor if he finds a printer.” This was obviously a jab at something that happened in the past. 

“J-Jared that isn’t funny!” Evan, bless his soul, was trying to help. He didn’t do anything wrong and he was in the middle of Jared and Connor mini war.

“I’m going to fucking kill you!” Connor looked like if Jeremy’s dad wasn’t holding him back, he would of killed Jared. Finally the wine was cleaned up, and everything was slightly better than before. 

“I’m sorry about this behavior Paul, I can take the kids home.” Heidi looked absolutely embarrassed and Jeremy didn’t blame her. I mean this all happened because a wine bottle spilled. After his dad explaining it’s okay and ‘they can stay’.

The four boys were shoved into Jeremy’s room while Heidi and his dad did whatever. He sat on his bed as he anxiously stared at his computer. Finally The Insanely Cool Jared  Kleinman broke the silence with a very ‘funny joke’. “Where do you keep the porn? Evan here hasn’t been able to get his fix since he broke his arm getting off to Zoe Murphy.” Evan turned paler than a ghost and Connor looked absolutely pissed. Jeremy watched as a mini heated argument came between Evan and Connor while Jared, self satisfied with the chaos caused, sat down by Jeremy. 

“Since I have these dorks busy, what can you tell me about the squip?” Jared asked in a manner of asking the weather or some small talk, not a demonic iPod Nano. 

“You know about the squip?” Jeremy asked in harsh whisper. How many people knew? How did he know that Jeremy had one?

”Well it was kind of big news in the computer dweebs committee. A supercomputer that can get you laid,” Jared said everything with over exaggerated handmotions, “Obviously some people latched onto that idea. The smarter of us wondered how they could hack it and make it do, I don’t know useful things.“

Jeremy just looked at him in small awe as he heard bits and pieces of the mini war having on the other side of the bedroom.

“If I find out you do, I’ll kick your ass to beyond!” 

“I-I wouldn’t do that stuff, I promise.”

Jared’s grin faded as they came to a passive ending. “Shit I thought that would last longer.. Why don’t you go outside and go on a life discovery trip to look at trees?” Jeremy doubted that would do anything, but atlas they both left the room to go outiside. 

“Are you guys actually friends?” Jeremy asked speaking out his thoughts and trying to change previous conversation. Jared seemed to go for it though. 

“If I had a dollar every time someone had asked me that, I would have enough money to buy a way out of Hell. Evan and I are ‘family friends’ and Connor is just Evans suicide bud,” Jared continued based on Jeremy’s facial expression, “Connor tried to commit suicide, so everyone is now his friend. It’s kind of interesting to see them latch onto him.

”Anyway, about the squip. It’s the only reason I came to your depressing place.”

Jeremy just shrugged at him, he didn’t know what to tell him. Or really what he wanted to tell him. He felt like after last year that he would kill himself if he had to deal with anything close to it. “What do you want to know about it?” Even though Jeremy knew no one could hear, he still kept his voice quiet in some fear that if he talked about it too much it would somehow summon it back. He knew that's not how it worked, but can't he have fears about it? His problems were valid. "What do you want to know? Besides how evil and life destroying they are." If Jared was going to ask him how to get one, Jeremy would just laugh at him. 

"Of course I know that, i'm not some dumbass. I want to know how to get RID of it." Jared looked at him like he was insane for thinking he just ignored all bad things about the squip. 

"O-oh.... It's Mountain Dew Red," Jeremy replied, feeling just a bit stupid, "do you have one or something?" Jared gave him a harsh laugh and smirked. 

"Yeah, because it would willing let me ask you that question. I'm asking for a friend," Jeremy held his hands up in defense. Like jEsUS, he just wanted to know. Jared seemed to be satisfied with what Jeremy told him because he left the room afterwards leaving Jeremy alone. "Okay, bye then," He didn't know why he was just speaking out to no one. He peered out his window to look at Evan and Connor. Evan was pointed at trees while it looked like Connor was making jokes because of the nervous expression on Evan's face. Jeez how could he see all that from this far away? It was like magic. Anyway he sat at his computer contemplating calling Michael. Who cares about the other people? Not Jeremy. Not Jeremy.... Yeah he cared a little. So he just DM Michael. Ya know, sliding in those dms.....  Yep. 

 

**Player Two is online**

_Player Two: yo what up mike?_

_Player One: Jesus who hurt you???_

Fuck already exposed

_Player Two: wym? im fine_

_Player Two: "yo" "mike" OH_

_Player One: ...._

_Player Two: im honestly fine tho_

_Player One: Mkay anyway you should come over_

Jeremy was just a bit ecstatic. Leaving his depressing house? Of course he'll come.

_Player Two: kk ill see u_

He shut down the computer and walked downstairs making as little noise as possible. He noticed Jared sitting in the kitchen on his phone, not acknowledging anyone. He had a scowl on his face so something must not be okay. He didn't ask though. Wasn't his business to care. As he changed from kitchen to living room he saw his dad and Heidi watching a movie together.

”I’m going to Michael’s.” He announced not paying attention to the movie at all. If he looked at it for more then five seconds, he would watch the whole things 

“Have fun, I love you.” His dad replied.

”Okay.” Jeremy gave a quick wave before leaving the room and going back to the kitchen. Jared’s situation seemed to be worsening, as per his expression. Jeremy once again said nothing as he quietly walked through the kitchen, honestly scared that any noise would cause Jared to explode or something. 

Sadly once he went to open the door Connor and Evan busted through. Connor laughed as he pushed Jeremy aside like nothing. “You’re such a fucking loser Evan. It’s amazing how much you can care about something that can’t do shit.” 

“W-well actually trees produce oxygen to help us live.. I-it also provides animals with homes...” Evan gave a weak laugh, “Not so useless... Oh hi,” At least someone knew and acknowledged Jeremy’s existence.

 “Hey... I’m leaving.” Jeremy went around Evan pushing his back against the door as he gave Evan to walk through. He slammed the door behind him once he left and stuck his hands into cardigan pockets. There was a hole in the right pocket. He sighed, this meant it would fall apart sooner or later. Then he would have to get a new one. Maybe he could just ignore the hole. He doubted it but maybe. 

Jeremy walked down the streets of New Jersey shivering. Even though he had a jacket, if you could call it that, he was still freezing. Thank God that he didn’t have to walk to far. Michael could of given him a ride, but that would take too much time, asking Michael, wasting Michael’s time, and just wasting gas. Jeremy didn’t want to be an inconvenience, so he was going to freeze.

Jesus fuck was this road getting longer? He didn’t know why he couldn’t of just asked for a right? Oh yeah, the environment. That thing. Jeremy held his arms close to him, trying to warm himself up. Finally after bearing through the cold, he had reached Michael’s house. He had knocked, even though he could of busted through the window and no one would of cared.

The door swung opened and Michael welcomed Jeremy with a smile. “Wow you look like ass.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo chapter two. I'm just typing whenever I can so I'm sorry for this unedited garbage.


End file.
